that is afaird of being alone..
im seventeen year old girl, and i cant stand the feeling of not having a boyfriend, yes its pethic, i think it sure is. I feel like if i dont have a boyfriend or a guy that ill be single forever. i fell like im not good enough for anyone and that im not pretty enough.and that all guys only want me for is sex. i feel like im just some dumb personin the world that know one takes me serious.. i think to myself all the time if i died would anyone even miss me?.. i doubt it , i mean my OWN mom choose’s her boyfriend, over me and my brother. like my OWN MOM. like that just proves if NOT even your mom cares about you… there most be something wrong with you.. my mom has told me im a dispoint meant, but i fell like i just go to drugs and alch so maybe someone will pay attchin to me.. but even that doesnt help. i think i just golooking for a guy to love me because i fell like no one in my house loves me or cares for me so im missing that feeling of being inporant thats why i love being in relationships becuase i actully fell impornat to someone , or at least i think they think im imporant. like, i keep gooing back to dante, even thought its ovb he doesnt want me. and all we do is fight but i still go back to him, cause hes the first guy who just doesnt want sex. we were together for 4 months and all we have done was makeout. he meant alot to me and he told everyone about us. he made me feel so good, and that he acully did love me, he always cheered me up.. i keep going back to him , cause hes all i got. i have no other guys, and hes the close thing i got, well i guess not anymore, i met this guy greg, and hes WAYY diffrent from guys i have dated before, and i think i will change for the best if me and him were to start dating, cause he doesnt drink or smoke and doesnt cuss.. but then the only thing thats bad is preteneding to be someone who im not, like itry to act smarter and not cuss as much and i dont tell him when im drunk or hgh cause im scarred of what he will say or think.. but then who noes maybe God put him in my life for a reason… we will just have to wait and find out..
One thing i cant stand in this world, is being alone, being alone to me is one of the worse things ever. I just hate the feelings i get when im all alone. I get really depressed and just think about life. I fell like im going know where in life, hopefully im wrong. So many things are running threw my mind. I hate it i wish i didnt think so much.. im scarred im never going to have a family, or a husband/boyfriend/finance. I want a family so bad, i think cause i dont really have one.. i just want the feeling of being loved and happy.. i gew up with my dad cheating on my mom , and then now my mom cheating on my dad. is just destroyed my family. i shouldnt even call us family cause theres no way we are, none of us get along at all. we never do family things were always in our own rooms. igoneing eachother. theres times i dont think they even realize im home. i think i run to drugs and alch because i think it will get there attchin and maybe they will start to pay attchin to me.. but i doubt that they still probly wont even care like my mom she noes i smoke and drink..but i dont even think she even cares, i try to make her mad by saying oh i need to get drunk or i wanna drink so bad iam craving it and orr umm u smeeells that weed it smeelll al good, and i telll her storys all the time, just to get her attchin.. but everything i do she doesnt care, i dont know how to make my parents care.. i feel like i prob have to hurt my self. for them to relaize i need ther love. but who noes maybe that wont even prove it.. maybe one day when im dead , then they will relize i needed there love, but until then i am #foreveralone.
the guy you felll in love with says i devser a better guy……. but hes all i want :( fucking sitting here crying dante your all i want :(
i dont rember what it feels like to be sober.
or when i use to not do drugs.
fucking pethic…/;
was very crazyy.. and i hung with my ex bofriends bestfriend cause he was suppost to hang with one of my friends, well she ened up using him.. and me and him had to take care of her cause she was throwing up and stuff.. at the party and at the park, we end up taking her home n me n the guy went and got more alch and smoked some weedm and we ened up going back to his place, were i spent the night cause i got too drunk.he was taking care of me, we had a really good night, stuff happened we both didnt think would, but it ended up happpeing. and we cudddled all night..and stuff andi think i fell for him..:o i dont want to cause theres no point of likeing him or being a thing with him cause its not like we can be together. he told me he wants to see me again.. and iwanna see him too. but i dotn think it will ever happen he doesnt have a facebook or phone at the moment. i reallly wanted to be with him lastnight.. like sleeping alone sucked….i wish there was away i could talk to him.. and just talk to him… bout stuff and like wehn he droped me off he kissted me and told me he wants to see me again and to hit him upp…ever since that night hes been on my mind… i dont want him to be i dont under stand why i cant get over him or forget about that night… and i dont know what too do… how to get him out of my mindd… or is there a reason hes there? ahh i just dont know anymore.. im so confused… maybe this is just showing me i fall for guys WAYY TO DAMN FAST…
/;
i honstly dont know what to do right now, im soo confused betweeen everything andeveryone. theres these 2 guys that i like and i dont know who to pick… i mean its horrrible saying im talking to 2 guys, thats why i just wanna drop them both or one ofthem.. the first one is jonathon we dated for 2 months. we broke up. there was no trust and we stoped seeing eachother he was allways bussy and he doesnt have a cell so its hard to get a hold of him. he tells me he likes me and wants to be with me.. and everything but when were girlfriend and boyfriend. and we arent together its the worse thing ever, but when we are together most of the time its perfect. and i love his family, there the best, and make me fell like part of the family, i just couldnt stand him always talking adn being with his ex girl friend tamra i know i shouldnt trip because she has a boyfriend. but it still bugged me that he would hang with her and it bugs me that alot of girls would hit doogie up when he was with me. and that he would always be with this one girl kira. he ssaid there just friends, but its not right for a guy who has a girl friend to always go around and be with someother girl. and when iwasnt with jonathon i wasnt happy but when im with him . i would be happy.. and think everything it perfect i havnt cried over a guy sincejames herron,but i diddover doogie, and i do miss him. hes like the only guy who hsa fought to stay with me and didnt wanna end it with me. i just need to learn how to trust more but ive been hurt way to much to take risk anymore..
the other guy is dante, everyone seems to know him “misterfuckinpopluar” he use to go to my school , ive known him for awhile hes hella funny, that boy is always putting a smile on my face,hes pron one of the funniest kids i know. when i see him he makes me feel special and being in his big ass arms<3. & kissing his sexyass lips (x all we have done is make out. everyone knoes about me and dante, the only thing i dont like about us, is that we fight ALLOT. and over everything but were stilll together, even tho we have been threw hell and back. but when we fight im still smiling cause he makes me laugh. but sometimes our fights get do bad and it does hurt. i have cryed over him in class one time.. but i think it was just cause i was really stressed and drunk. were always talking he alwyas calls me and stuff. but i hear alot of stuff as in hes a player and stuff. and how he fucks alot, and does alot of stupid shit. and how hes a dick.
i dont know who to pick or what to do , i dont know if i should just be single and not worry about anything and just live for me, or should i go back out with jonathon and end things with dantte , or should i just forget all about jonathon and just have a thing with dante.
:(
who to let go, or let go of both.
&& be #foreveralone.
ive hit apoint in my life.. were i relized i dont act my age, i try to impress everyone, i think i have to b in love to be happy , but i dont.. its just scarry, to be alone. i want to start living for me and be a seventeeen girl. i dont wanna grow up and deal with all the resobliys you only live once. so idontknow why i havent been living like it i need to stop c aring what people think of me and do what i want , and live for me not to be cool or just go along with stuff. this week opened my eyes to alot, and im glad it did. im jordyn correa and seventeen year girl. i am over dating them older guys,. im just going to staysingle. and do me.
